Many visionary tech founders I know judge themselves “not good enough” as CEO.
If you do this as well, may you distinguish guilt from shame.
Otherwise, judging yourself “not good enough” as CEO can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
1️⃣ For example, suppose you judge yourself “not good enough” as CEO, and an employee gives you negative feedback. In that moment, you might feel shame, thinking, “See? I really am not good enough as CEO. My employees see it, too!”
Shame is unpleasant, so to avoid feeling it you might drink. And after drinking, you might make a mistake, leading you to think, “I knew drinking does this to me, and yet I still drank. I really am not good enough as CEO,” which feeds a vicious cycle.
Or you might mask shame with anger by lashing out at the person who gave you feedback. Only to think, “I’m so not good enough as CEO—I can’t even control my temper,” again fueling a vicious cycle.
Or you might try to please the person who gave you feedback by always accommodating them. Only to reach a point where accommodating becomes difficult, and you think, “I’m so not good enough as CEO—I can’t even fix things after receiving clear feedback,” again... a vicious cycle.
But if you don’t judge yourself “not good enough” as CEO, and instead feel guilt for having _done_ something wrong as CEO, it becomes easier to create a virtuous cycle.
2️⃣ For example, suppose an employee gives you negative feedback. In that moment, you might feel guilt thinking, “Whoa! I made a mistake.” Guilt is also an unpleasant emotion, so to avoid feeling it, you might apologize. And after apologizing, you might reflect on how to avoid repeating the same mistake.
The key here is that such reflection is less likely to spiral into a vicious cycle.
The two scenarios may only seem marginally different, but when performing the CEO role, the difference is significant.
☝️ If you feel shame, you’re more likely to focus on how to change _yourself_. Since you believe that _you_ are the problem, it’s natural to think the solution is to fix _yourself_.
In contrast, if you feel guilt, you’re more likely to consider how to (re)design:
👉 your role as CEO,
👉 the norms you have with your executive team,
👉 the organization’s structure, systems, and processes, etc
so that it becomes difficult—or impossible—for you to repeat the same mistake.
In other words, guilt is more likely to lead you to _leverage_ your time as CEO, accepting the limits of “fixing one’s self.” In essence, your mind remains more open to a wider array of potential solutions
Above all, here’s the thing.
You started your company not because you wanted to “be CEO.”
You started it because you wanted to change the world.
As CEO, we will make a million mistakes.
And we will fix them.
But may we not let our mistakes define who we are
or prevent us from building the company we need
to finish what we started.